Mom

The following is the eulogy that I gave at Mother's funeral yesterday. I thought that I'd share it with you so that you could get a sense of who she was.

Thank you for coming today to celebrate the life of Lemine Louise Massingill Stephens. She was born in Comanche County, Texas on November 29, 1924 to Johnie Marie Tally Massingill and William Lemma “Lemmie” Massingill both of whom are deceased.

On December 21, 1940, she married J. Wayland Stephens in Comanche, Texas. She passed away on Friday, March 28, 2008 at the age of 83.

She was preceded in death by her parents, her husband, and two grandsons, Joni Lynn Stephens and Shannon Chad Stephens.

Lemine had four children, all of whom survive her: Gayland Jay Stephens and his wife, Ella Faye of Hamilton; Rickie Don Stephens, and his wife, Gloria, of Comanche; Brenda Gail Stephens Andrews, and her husband, Kenneth of Hamilton; and Karen Kay Stephens Price and Rick Price of Gatesville.

Her grandchildren are Jana O’Neal and husband, Randy, of Weatherford; Dana Chancellor and husband, Tommy, of College Station; Dr. Tonya Stephens and fiancée, Dave Cyplik, of Ocala, Florida; Brett Stephens and fiancée, Elizabeth Sanderson, of Early; Dr. Rena Dunahoo and husband, Nick, of Lake Belton; Britney Aaron and husband, J. P., of Cranfills Gap; Chad Andrews of Texas A & M; Whitney Posey, Lexi Price and Nick Price, all of Gatesville, Tyler Price of Corpus Christi, Coltyn Price of Graham, and Tierra Campbell of Waco.

In addition, she has seven great-grandchildren: Riley O’Neal, Jaret O’Neal, Layton Chancellor, Aaron Chancellor, Addison Dunahoo, John Simon Waller and Cooper Waller.

She lived almost her entire life in Comanche and Hamilton Counties within a twenty mile stretch. However, there was a period of time during World War II, when she lived in Kilgore, Texas while Dad was stationed at Camp Fannin.

During her lifetime, she worked as a telephone operator, as a clerk at Garner-Alvis Department Store, a seamstress, a cook, and as a sitter for those with Alzheimer’s, including my mother-in-law.

She was named after her father, Lemmie, but she never particularly liked her name. . . Lemine Louise. She said it was too unusual. People couldn’t remember it. So, her old friends, obligingly called her “Meenie”.

As with most people, she passed through stages. Whenever we were little, she made us feel safe and secure. She was the person we ran to for comfort and solace. She was our rock. Mom’s life was one of curves and challenges that she could not anticipate. Yet, she somehow managed to cope with them and become an inspiration to us all.

Mother was a cowgirl at heart. As a child, she developed a love for horses. She rode her little horse, Old Short, the three or so miles to and from Lamkin to school from her home place north of Lamkin. She told us stories about how she would cut a green switch to work him over if he needed it. She instilled in us her love for horses. She taught us how to ride and reminded us that a horse was part of our legacy. Mom said that our grandfathers and great grandfathers were as good a horsemen as there ever were and that we should respect their legacy enough to learn the skills of horsemanship. It thrilled her when she learned that Brett was breaking and training horses.

Mom loved rodeos, too, especially bull riding. When she got to where she couldn’t go to them in person, she’d watch them on TV.

Another of Mom’s great loves was fiddle music. Her daddy, Papa Lemmie, was a fiddler. On Saturday nights, he’d join with other local musicians for home-made dances. The ladies would prepare their best dishes and the adults would dance while the kids played outside.

Her love of fiddle music probably was the reason she loved to dance. She and Dad would take us to dances when we were teens. She’d say “You’re here to dance. When you quit dancin’, we’ll go home.” All our friends loved being around her. As she got older, she continued to dance by going to the Senior Citizen dances where she was an equal opportunity dancer – she’d dance with men . . . or women, just so long as she got to dance.

Mother made do with what she had. She raised chickens and maintained a garden. Her meals were made from what she grew. She was creative, too. She’d make vinegar pies when she didn’t have fruit. We’d eat wienies and gravy at the end of the month.

On her washing days, she’d saddle up Papoose, our horse, and put me on him. After swatting him on the rear, she’d watch to see which way he went. If he took off to the left, she knew he’d take me to Harrison Ellenburg’s barn where he’d eat oats. If he took off to the right, we’d be headed to the tall green grass over Euel Eddleman’s septic tank. She’d simply call them and tell them to send me back home when she had finished her washing.

She met adversity head on. When she was thirty-nine, she thought she had a cancerous tumor. So she braced herself for the news from the doctor. It was Karen.

Mom enjoyed watching Rick and Gayland, “the boys” as she called them, play football. She never missed a single high school game. In fact, she had Karen on a Sunday and went to Gayland’s football game in Comanche that next Friday.

Mom attended our school plays. Her favorite was the Rick’s fifth grade play when he was “Hoss Cartwright”. She made costumes, helped with classroom parties and school festivities, taught Bible school, and took us to church.

Mom valued education and encouraged each of us to go to college or gain some sort of self-sustaining skill. She was so proud of her children and grandchildren and their accomplishments.

Mom was not a high maintenance woman. She liked things simple. She didn’t wear much jewelry; she didn’t much like ruffly clothes; she didn’t wear colognes.

However, Mom was a woman of strong opinions about some things. . . she did not like blue (she always told us that if we buried her in blue, she’d come back to get us). . . she hated collars. . . she didn’t like chicken no matter how it was prepared. That was as a result of eating so much of it during the “chicken raising” years.

She wasn’t complicated either. If she liked you, she liked you. If she didn’t, she didn’t. There was little doubt to which category you fit.

She found an unusual strength within following her second surgery. In the recovery room, she quipped that “now I’m the same height as Kenneth Dale.”

She said that once she “got back on her feet” (so to speak) that she could pursue a new vocation: base-board painting.

Once becoming a patient, she appointed herself the assistant nursing home administrator and assistant director of nurses at Hamilton Healthcare Center. She felt it was her duty to help the personnel with the “old” people who resided there. Many of the nurses and aides bonded with her and would spar verbally with her which was something that made her days more tolerable.

She was a high-tech grandmother. After losing her legs, the television and the cell phone were her links to the outside. She talked to her special friends, Darlene and Frankie Nell, daily and just “listened” to Karen. She could discuss with us what was going on in the world at any time because she watched the news. She was an avid sports fan, too. She followed the Dallas Cowboys and the Mavericks.

We’d go for rides together. On our outings, we’d sometimes go out to Lamkin and Gentrys Mill and Carlton to see how things had changed where she grew up. Within the past few years, Mom required that we check on the Circle T Arena’s building progress. It became her project. She thought it was a great asset to our community. Whenever the arena manager allowed us to drive inside so that she could see it, she was in awe. That’s all she talked about for weeks.

Although I’d offer her alternatives, she always wanted to go by Chicken Express to get a 5-piece catfish meal with two sides – cole slaw and corn nuggets. We’d go to a park somewhere and she’d eat every bite. While we were out, we’d pick up some Dollar store pickles, tomatoes, and Doritos to take back to the nursing home.

A while back, someone mentioned that my mother was the most optimistic person she’d ever known. She continued by relating a story that her daughter had told her. Her daughter had taken communion to Mother at the nursing home and had observed that mother was upbeat and light-hearted and required the same from those around her.

She said that if anyone in the home had any reason to be down or angry, that it would be Mother given her condition. Yet, time and again, she held a positive outlook. She handled life from then on with a lot of humor. Her demeanor served as inspiration to us all.

She was well-known by the hospital employees and doctors who marveled at how she would recover from her hospitalizations. They often referred to her “nine lives”.

Both the nursing home and the hospital were exceptionally good to her and spoiled her rotten and the family and Mom appreciate their work.

When preparing her eulogy, I asked for adjectives that described mother. Some of those adjectives included: positive outlook, big-hearted, bossy, determined, feisty, independent, jokester, jovial, a kidder, opinionated, a pill, set in her ways, spunky, strong-willed and sassy, tough and witty. Each one of these words could adequately be used.

When you think about it, the adjectives used to describe mother’s personality also describe her children. We have come to realize that the apples don’t fall far from the tree.

As we grew older, she knew that we must become self-sufficient. Mom was an only child and Dad was an only child. That meant that the four of us had no aunts, uncles, nor first cousins. Because of that, they knew that they must give us both roots and wings because we would only have each other to rely on once they were gone

To her grandchildren, she was Nonnie, and she loved them very much. They could do a lot worse than using her life’s example as an inspiration.

Last night, there was a lot of laughter at visitation. In our family, there’s always a story. We heard many more last night that we can pass along. Thank you for sharing in Mom’s special day with us. She’d be so pleased.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17

Decisions

Lots of people think that I am bossy and controlling. In my classroom, I would say that is probably accurate. However, outside the classroom and at home, I am different.

Ask my husband about his honey-do list and he’ll tell you that he doesn’t have one. He hardly ever has had one. Only when our schedule is impossibly crowded do I ask him for help. That’s not to say that he doesn’t help out, because he does. He takes initiative to do lots of tasks, but not because I ask or demand it.

I think it is important for people to make their own decisions based upon accurate information. I don’t mind helping obtain that information, but I don’t want anyone to make a wrong decision because I’ve skewed it.

In addition, believe it or not, I am not in charge of my social calendar. I learned early in our thirty-one year marriage that if I made plans in advance, that they would probably be changed. So, my husband and my children make our social plans. They are usually tentative and always last minute, but never-the-less they are plans. When asked, I usually let them know my preferences, but I don’t make final decisions.

They learned that when the decision is left to me, they won’t like it. For instance, when we used to go to Waco to shop or visit, I’d ask where they wanted to eat. Always, the reply was, “I don’t care.” They didn’t want to make the decision for fear of not pleasing the others. It may sound abnormal that they weren’t selfish kids who insisted on their own way, but being selfish was not their nature.

They were like the vultures perched on the limb in The Jungle Book. They would say, “What do you wanna do?”

“I dunno, what do you wanna do?”

“I don’t care, you decide.”

“No, you.”

Whenever that would happen, then I’d finally choose. . . Catfish King. Oh, the complaining I’d hear. Although they loved the food, we were always the only people in the restaurant without gray hair. So, they learned that they had to make decisions and not leave it to me because they’d have to live with mine and they wouldn’t like them.

Decision-making remains a dilemma for our family. Don’t misunderstand. The big decisions seem much easier to make. It’s only decisions that are relatively meaningless that remain a problem. It’s the “whatcha wanna do?” decisions that cause the most stress.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17

Re-run

I hate red tape. Yesterday, I told you that I was going for my infusion. Well, I did, but I didn't get it. When the nurse that gives me the infusion opened the package, there were only 3 vials of medicine, not the prescribed 13 vials.

To make a very long story short, I contacted the online pharmaceutical company that shipped it to me and they said that it was dispensed as prescribed and that it was the nurse's fault who ordered it for my doctor. When I approached the nurse, she, of course, said it was the pharmaceutical company's fault. You know, the fingers were pointing at each other.

So, even though a nurse called and presumably straightened it out, it is still very inconvenient. I took off from work for half a day and drove the 80 mile round trip to get it.

Needless to say, I will have to wait several days for my infusion which means that I will feel worse and worse and I'll hurt more and more before I get better. I spoke to the head of the ACS unit today and she is a doll. She said that as soon as I got it delivered to my house, to call her and she'd see that I got the infusion immediately.

The big issue is that I might not feel better by the time of Jana's wedding on Saturday. I surely hope that I do. I've been looking forward to her big day for several months.

Keep me in your prayers. I will need them and so will those around me.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17

Re-fueled

Today is my infusion day again. I am going to get re-fueled with "liquid gold" at Needles 'R Us. It's even more expensive than our current gasoline prices. I can tell that it is time. Although I am not nearly as sick as I sometimes am, I am getting tired and having some pain. I'll be back good as new in a day or two.

I spoke with my nurse this morning and she has everything all set up for me. I always look forward to visiting with the ACS girls. They make me laugh.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17

We hurt

We hurt when our children hurt. My son e-mailed me this morning to tell me that one of his good friends at college had been killed in an automobile accident. At the time, he didn't have any details on the accident or other arrangements.

He said she was from Tyler and that her dad was a minister. He said that she was such a good friend. He said, "I absolutely loved and adored her. It really hit home. She was amazing. I played 'Sorry' with her almost every night and watched 'So You Think You Can Dance'. She offered me many great pieces of advice. I will truly miss her. Please pray for her family as well."

"I just never knew how close it could hit home. When dad says be careful I'm usually like 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever'.... now I truly understand."

Please keep him and his friends and her family in your prayers as they face this difficult time.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17

Patience

Whenever I was younger, I had very little patience. . . for anything. Like your typical adolescent I wanted things quickly. I didn’t want to have to wait.

As I grew in my career, I had to learn patience. My first full-time teaching assignment was in the secondary Migrant program. Those students moved from district to district throughout the year. I had to diagnose and analyze the gaps in their learning because of their migration. Often, they didn’t learn exactly as I did so I would have to determine the best way to present the material so that they could understand it. I would break the subject down into small steps, reinforce their successes and re-teach (over and over) when they didn’t grasp the ideas. Most of the time, I would just get started filling the gaps and having the student be successful at the lesson when their parents would up and move them again. From this teaching assignment, I learned that I had the capacity for developing patience. In fact, since then, I have become a very patient person.

My students and colleagues have commented that I have the patience of Job. I’m not sure about that, but I will admit that I encourage and support my students as they learn and that I am willing to re-teach (over and over) lessons until the light bulb moment. So, I would consider myself a very patient person, but it didn’t come naturally.

On the other hand, I married a man and I also have two children who do not have patience—none, nil, nix, nein, notta. I question whether they have the capacity to acquire patience. They want what they want now, if not before. We joke about it amongst ourselves. I say that whenever God passed out patience, they said “No, thanks.” Sarcastically, I call the guys “Mr. Patience” and my daughter, “Miss Patience.” My son-in-law, in contrast, has a fair amount of patience and he is not a complainer. He just goes with the flow.

I have resigned myself to accept the things I cannot change—that is, successfully teaching patience to my family. They are unmotivated learners where this virtue is concerned.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17

Fortunate

During the moment of silence we are offered every school day, I thank God for his many blessings that he bestows on my family. We are all very blessed, but my children are particularly fortunate. Perhaps it is because they are strong young people and they have postured themselves to be successful in their endeavors. Perhaps it is because they are prayerful themselves. Perhaps it is because of intercessory prayers of many of our friends and relatives. It doesn’t really matter from where their blessings originate, the fact is that God does bless them in so many ways.

Out of the blue, J. P. got a raise last month. Brit and J. P. are in the “study” which pays for many of the expenses associated with in vitro and, hopefully, that, too, will be successful in the near future. B. C. was notified last week that he got another scholarship which is enough to pay for the rest of his TAMU expenses.

Those are just the blessings of the past month or so. Just imagine what lies in store for them.

"A friend loveth at all times." Proverbs 17:17