My husband is a good man. He’s not perfect, but he’s still a keeper. I fell in love with him when we were teens and he’s still the love of my life (warts and all). The reason I chose to write my blog about him is to uplift and encourage him. His life has not been a walk in the park.
He has a tender heart and loads of compassion. He is the youngest (and a twin) of a very large family. Although the family lacked material goods, their parents made up for it by providing love and a strong faith-base. This influence made him a God-fearing man. He tithes devotedly. He was raised to aid his family and friends whenever and however he could. The entire family pitches in to help one another. Sometimes his faith has been sorely tested, but he continues to find strength through it.
Speaking of strength, he has always been strong as an ox. With his might, he could move virtually any obstacle.
When we first married, in order to get ahead, he would work two or three jobs. Besides working at the telephone company during the day, he would roof houses, remodel buildings, or work as a shade-tree mechanic at night and on weekends.
When we finally had an opportunity, he, along with his friends and family (and a few subcontractors), built our beautiful home. I think he probably handled every board in it. By doing much of the work himself, he saved us thousands of dollars in labor which, of course, made our equity in the house much larger.
Because of a back injury early in his lineman career, he began to experience severe back pain just after we completed the house. Within four years, the pain became unbearable. He just wouldn’t give in to it until one day, he couldn’t take a step without excruciating pain.
He went to an orthopedic doctor who recommended shots in his back and an exercise regimen. He followed it faithfully, but the pain did not subside. As time went on, he was referred to a neurosurgeon who recommended surgery on the lower lumbar region fusing three discs together and stabilizing it with steel rods and screws. Reluctantly, he finally agreed. He just couldn’t take the pain any more.
It took an entire year to recover from it. He had to wear a huge back brace for months. A TENS unit was never far from reach. During the surgery, a nerve that connects to his foot was damaged and his foot didn’t work like it was supposed to. It was essentially dead. He couldn’t lift it like he should so his gait was altered and he often stumbled. He had to do rehabilitative therapy for his foot as well as for his back.
When we consider that my husband had been such a strong man with a strong work ethic, we can only imagine how being so incapacitated dealt him a blow. Most of our family and friends pitched in with various acts of kindness and encouragement. His sisters and brothers’-in-law would visit with him during the recovery process. They would take him to his doctor’s appointments. One brother-in-law came and mowed our lawn every week with only a “Glad I could do it for you” after the job was done.
His doctor told him to walk as far as he could five days a week to build up his stamina. He also recommended exercises with a large body ball. As is his way to overdo, he walked up to six miles a day in nice weather.
The neurosurgeon was concerned about his regimen so he said that any activity that provided him with aerobic activity would be beneficial. He specifically mentioned dancing (not disco or break dancing, though.) He said that would be a fun way for him to exercise and get the same effect as walking.
About three years after his first surgery, he faced another surgery on his neck. This time, the surgeon had to enter the area through his neck and place rods and screws in his upper spine. Again, recovery took almost a year.
Between his surgeries, he returned the favor to his family and friends by visiting them and taking them to their doctors’ appointments. He spent up to three weeks with his brother-in-law while he was in the hospital following an accident. These are just a few of the examples of his kind-heartedness and devotion to his family and friends. They showed their appreciation by throwing him a party and giving him a “World’s Best Brother” marble plaque.
Of course, he and his family and true friends continue to reciprocate kindnesses. However, he was blind-sided by one egregious and bitter disappointment. He has had to come to grips with the loss of a disloyal friend who criticizes his disability.
In the beginning, he refused to believe that this man who had been such a close friend was reacting this way. He defended him to others. However, over a period of time, it became painfully obvious that the arrogant man denounced his condition. My husband could not help but personalize the experience. Not only did the man openly criticize him to our other friends for not being able to work any longer, but he disapproved of any leisure activities that were remotely enjoyable for my husband (including the doctor-prescribed dancing). It seemed as if he wanted to kick him while he was down so to speak. . .punish him, if you will, for becoming unable to stand the pain of his backbones rubbing against each other and the vertebrae being displaced.
I can only conclude that this fickle friend is no “friend” at all. At a time when my husband desperately needed to be uplifted and shown emotional support and loyalty, this petty person could only rebuke him. How could he be so self-centered and small-minded as to scorn his friend for a physical disability that he could not overcome? I never wish pain on anyone, but what if this man were to get hurt or otherwise suffer? How would he react if my husband reciprocated this treatment? I’d suspect that he’d be mighty upset and defensive.
My hope is that some day my husband can find it in his heart to forget about the intolerant man for his short-sightedness. I know that he will forgive him because he’s been taught to do that. Perhaps the cold-hearted man will eventually be freed from the bondage of ignorance. I’m certain that he will never approach my husband face-to-face nor apologize for treating him the way he has because 1.) his narcissistic beliefs won’t let him see how mistaken he is and 2.) he never apologizes even if he realizes he’s in the wrong. Let’s face it: his ego is a self-righteous little monster. So, perhaps irreconcilable differences will remain between the two.
But as a Christian man, my husband can rely back on his faith to help him recover both emotionally and physically. He will continue his efforts to improve his mobility and to withstand the pain of managing his disability and of the loss of a relationship. He now realizes that no one else thinks of and reacts to his impairment like his disloyal friend who’s the one with the problem. . . that of a neck that is flaming scarlet. Therefore, with encouragement, my husband must move forward with his own life and not lament either loss.
