I used to think that raising “good” kids meant that they were sensitive, considerate, pleasant, responsible children who made good decisions. To some extent, that is true. However, society dictates that if we want them to be successful in sports and business, these qualities do not make them competitive which I learned is also very important.
Although I know people who possess those desirable qualities and who have also been successful in both athletics and business, it is not as common. Perhaps those successful people were not surrounded by negativity, but a more nurturing environment.
I may have done my children a disservice by teaching them to “turn the other cheek”. . . “grin and bear it”. . . “be nice, don’t be rude or spiteful”. . . “don’t talk back”. . . “be cooperative”. . . “don’t hit”. . . “say nice things or don’t say anything at all”. . . because those qualities were meant to make them congenial, but instead, it contributed to making their lives more difficult among their peers.
Maybe they became too sensitive. Their feelings get hurt. Maybe they are too considerate. They think about how others are affected by their actions. Maybe they are too pleasant. They typically flash broad smiles to people they meet and they converse affably. Maybe they are too responsible. They do what they say they will do when they say they will do it in the manner in which it should be done.
Naively, they expect those same things from other people.
Those qualities in young people are not found extensively today. Because they possess them, they sometimes don’t stand up for themselves and let others run over them. But if giving up those qualities means they can be successful in life, I’d not encourage them to relinquish them.
Having taught teens for nearly thirty years, I should have recognized that their generation is changing rapidly. Kids are no longer taught the old-fashioned values of integrity. Nowadays, kids will say and do just about anything. Adjustments probably should have been made, but just as they progressed through each stage of their lives, my husband and I were parents new to dealing with those stages so we had a learning curve as well.
As they have matured, they have learned life lessons about getting along in the world that I did not teach them. They were hard lessons, but necessary ones.
I still think that teaching them the right values was best because those are the ones they will hold dear as they leave adolescence and grow into adulthood.
1 comment:
Aw mom, don't be so hard on yourself. You did do a good job with us. At least that is my opinion. I still retain the values you instill in me and practice them daily. Only now certain people and life in general have taught me to be...shall we say--more assertive. Nowadays I am just as sweet, kind, and congenial as I can be until you cross me. Then, you better look out because I will tell you about it. An old college professor taught me the art of doing this gracefully and with class. You simply smile invite the offender to go to hell and say it in such a way that they actually look forward to the trip. Then, if that doesn't work, you do what you have to do. It baffles people because they were used to me being a doormat. Now I am not afraid at all to get into it with someome, whatever "it" might be. Bring it on because it won't be left unaccounted for.
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